Know that this is not what I would have chosen. Child loss happened TO me. It is out of my control. And the calendar pages keep turning.  Every holiday season means another year gone without the companionship of the child I miss. I want to continue to embrace life, to enjoy my loved ones, to make new memories. But I need your help to make it happen.

I know that all these suggestions require additional emotional energy when we feel we are already tapped out.  We are already carrying a load that can crush a spirit-it seems unfair that we have to initiate the conversation, offer alternatives and give grace. But they do not understand. And they may not know where to start. We have to remain focused on the goal:  Surviving the holidays.

I will confess: I’m no better at this than the first set of holidays after Dominic ran ahead to Heaven. Every. Single. Year. has brought changes and challenges on top of the empty chair round the family table.

It IS frustrating AND exhausting.   But I am learning (slowly, very slowly!) that it is oh, so much better! Instead of energy spent on being wounded and trying to hide it, I’m learning to speak up, own the wounds and suggest ways to prevent them in the future.  

When each one of my children was born I received him or her as a gift from God.  I could not imagine there would be a day when I would treasure them more than I did on that day. But I do. I miss Dominic, because he was a gift from God too.

when my son died suddenly in an accident and a deputy came to my door,  it changed me.  It modified who I am and who I will be.

I miss my child. I miss the family we used to be. I miss being blissfully ignorant of exactly how awful death is.

It is neither helpful nor healthy to pretend that sorrow and sadness don’t follow loss.  

Joy and sorrow both dwell in my soul and I cannot reveal one and hide the other.  I may laugh and cry in the same moment.

There is no "right way" or "wrong way" to handle holidays after losing a child. For many, there is only survival.

A letter to family and friends that can help them understand (a little) what it's like to face holidays after child loss.

It's normal that Dominic is less and less a part of his friends lives over time. But it still hurts...

Oh how I love you! Your brother’s untimely departure has opened my heart in a whole new way to the glory that is your presence.

Child loss is often sibling loss. In addition to their own heartache, bereaved parents carry the heartache of their surviving children.