It IS frustrating AND exhausting.   But I am learning (slowly, very slowly!) that it is oh, so much better! Instead of energy spent on being wounded and trying to hide it, I’m learning to speak up, own the wounds and suggest ways to prevent them in the future.  

I’ve discovered that self-control is not a limitless commodity.   Now before my Bible believing friends remind me that it is part of the fruit of the Spirit, I want to say this:  it sure is!  And because the Spirit of Jesus lives inside me I can promise you I am more self-controlled than I would otherwise be. BUT… When every single word, action, thought and feeling has to be reined in every waking moment, there is not enough self-control this side of heaven to do THA

For all my talk of boundaries and self-compassion, I rarely manage to keep others from invading my personal space and time I (theoretically) have reserved for my own priorities. I beat myself up for not showing up or giving up or giving in when someone calls, texts or messages. I rush to fill others' buckets without recognizing my own is empty.

I keep repeating the mantra, “grace and space” to myself. I need grace-from my own heart FOR my own heart– I must cut myself the slack I would be happy to extend to others. I need grace from friends and family. You can never know all the ways I ache for the life I had before Dominic ran ahead to heaven.  You could never imagine all the daily pinpricks my soul must suffer as I walk in this world and am reminded of what I’ve lost.

I’m learning to stand up and speak my truth even when others don’t understand it. None of us chose to be bereaved parents.

The longer since his leaving, the more I feel I need to have it together in public. My tears are inexplicable to those who've forgotten,

Change is hard on everyone. But it's harder if you don't have important conversations.

I don't have to meet a timetable or get anyone's approval. It's my journey and baby steps count!

In the aftermath of child loss, healthy boundaries are no longer optional, they are necessary for survival.  

Even though I'm stronger, I still experience a constant and unrelenting level of stress that often makes even ordinary tasks difficult...