Suffering is hard but it won’t last forever. “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:4 NIV

One of the greatest challenges I faced this side of child loss was finding a space where I could speak honestly and openly about my feelings toward God and about my faith. So many times I was shut down at the point of transparency by someone shooting off a Bible verse or hymn chorus or just a chipper, “God’s in control!” They had NO IDEA how believing that (and I do!) God is in control was both comforting and utterly devastating at the very same time.

We enter this world when we leave our mother’s womb. That is the beginning. But our lives never end.  We are eternal beings, created in the image of God, destined to spend forever with Him-IF we receive the gift of redemption made possible by the blood of Christ Jesus.

One of the most devastating questions I had to face after Dominic ran ahead to heaven was, “What difference does prayer make?”   I had prayed-diligently prayed-for every one of my children since before they were born. Even Dominic’s name, which means “belonging to God” was chosen carefully to reflect my heart’s desire that this child follow hard after Jesus. So why didn’t prayer “work”?  Why did my son die in an accident when others live?

There is NO way to balance losing my son with any earthly blessing. I have my other children.  Yes, but I had them when I still had him.  I have my health (sort of).  Yes, but I had it when I still had him.  I have a home, freedom, food-yes, yes, yes.  But all that I had when I still had him. So you see, I can’t make it balance out.  No one can. But there is a kernel of truth in this hymn.  And it’s not in trying to pile up one side and weigh it against the other.

When my heart was shattered, my hope hanging on by a thread, the Spirit of God brought truth to mind and gave me the strength to hold on.

If you can, join us.  You may be nervous up to the very minute you show up or log on but I PROMISE you will not regret it. 

The glory to come must be some kind of wonderful it if makes the pain of child loss so small there’s no comparison. Will I trust Him?

I can say with certainty that I am more sure now than I was before that God is God. He is good. He will redeem, restore and resurrect.

If I can only praise a God who spares me, I have no songs to sing. But if I can praise the God who loves me then I can always rejoice.

God IS love. Scripture says so. But God is also a fierce Father who will protect His children.

I have never felt so desolate as the early morning when I was told my son was dead. I knew if I didn’t remind my heart of truth, I’d be lost

A pastor friend says, “Your misery is your ministry.” I think he’s right.

 I walk in two worlds–on earth and in heaven.  I savor the sweet joy of the “now” but ache for the even sweeter joy of the “forever”.

So much of this battle has been fought in my mind. Really, even more than my heart. What I dwell on makes a difference.

Christ came for the broken.  It’s the broken and breathless who long for the Spirit to blow life across their wounded hearts.

God's existence, and His character does not depend on my understanding.  To be frank, a God I comprehend wouldn’t be much of a God at all.

When I swallow my doubts instead of speaking them all I do is poison my own heart. Lament is a biblical response to deep pain.