Lord, this season reminds me that whenever I am weak, You are strong. Is it alright if I grieve around You? I have to act strong everywhere else. I need a place just to be a griever, full of questions, full of tears at times, overwhelmed by absence."
~Harold Ivan Smith, A Decembered Grief, P. 36
We normally experience overwhelm in the PRESENCE of something or someone, not their ABSENCE.
But as any bereaved parent knows, especially in the early days, weeks and months, our child's absence is so large it obscures everything else.
Over time, most of us learn to make space once again for the rest of life and most certainly, for the precious ones we can still hug and hold and to whom we can whisper, "I love you".
Still, there are seasons and moments when once again, ABSENCE takes center stage and requires our full and undivided attention.
Christmas is like that-memories dragged out with every ornament and decoration, traditions tarnished because one voice is missing in the laughter,
Dragging our hearts into a new year can be just as hard.
I remember when I was forced to take down the 2014 calendar and hang a new one. It hurt so very much to consider that Dominic wouldn't be present for even one of the days it represented.
I still feel a pang even though I'm well-practiced at facing blank pages that remind me of his empty chair. It's then I have to lean on the Lord and trust His strength in my weakness.
He never fails to provide. So if you are trembling as you contemplate a new year (or another year) without the physical companionship of your precious child, take heart!
Jesus sees you.
Jesus loves you.
Jesus will uphold you.
