I'll just be honest-birthdays are hard.
My birthday, my other children's birthdays but especially Dominic's birthday. It doesn't help at all that his comes amidst graduation celebrations for others that simply accentuate the milestones he missed himself or is missing if he were here to celebrate with friends and family. Don't get me started on spring weddings... Some folks are great at projecting what their child might be like NOW compared to what they were like when they went to Heaven but I have no clue. I'm loathe to pretend I could guess what he might enjoy, where he might be living or what twists and turns HIS career might have taken than I could have guessed for any of my other children eleven years ago. It seems self-serving and presumptuous to apply a filter that will soothe my heart if it doesn't represent reality.
I know that he's enjoying perfect peace and is absolutely not worried about what he is "missing".
That's why I like the French way of expressing loss: "Tu me manques", which means "you are missing from me".
I miss him every day.
Birthdays just add an exclamation point. They say time is irrelevant in Heaven. Eternity is simply eternity. But for this mama's heart, time is very, very real. Thirty-five years ago I got to meet the little brown eyed, brown haired baby and eleven years ago I had to kiss him good-bye. A mama's arms are made for holding her child, not her child's memory. So today I'll let the tears fall and be grateful for the gift of an amazing, one-of-a-kind, adventurous, smart, loyal, funny, loving son.
