I first shared this eight years ago so it may shock some folks that while I have finally tossed most of the things in my fridge that once belonged to Dominic, I’ve got a giant bottle of hot sauce I’m still using. Every time I add spicy flavor to chili I think of him. I’m not looking forward to the day it runs out because it will be one more link dissolved between the living son I knew in the flesh and the memories I have to settle for now.❤

Those hours before I planted one last kiss on my son’s forehead, I held his hand.   I nodded at the people filing past to pay their respects with my arm tucked behind me, desperate to cling to my child. And I’m still clinging.   I will not let him go.   I don’t care how many days or months or years march on taking me further from the sound of his voice, the touch of his hand or the brightness of his smile-I refuse to release my grasp.

Ninety miles an hour-that’s how fast my mind can go from here to there. From what’s in front of me to what’s behind me. From laughter to swallowing sobs.

I want my heart and my words to reflect that I know this Savior full of love and mercy. Spared or not, it’s no doing of mine.

when my son died suddenly in an accident and a deputy came to my door,  it changed me.  It modified who I am and who I will be.

I miss my child. I miss the family we used to be. I miss being blissfully ignorant of exactly how awful death is.

that’s what child loss does to a mama’s heart.  It shatters it into pieces so tiny and so fragile. And the pieces never make a whole.

The longer since his leaving, the more I feel I need to have it together in public. My tears are inexplicable to those who've forgotten,

If you can, join us.  You may be nervous up to the very minute you show up or log on but I PROMISE you will not regret it. 

It is neither helpful nor healthy to pretend that sorrow and sadness don’t follow loss.  

Joy and sorrow both dwell in my soul and I cannot reveal one and hide the other.  I may laugh and cry in the same moment.

Change is hard on everyone. But it's harder if you don't have important conversations.

Here are seven practical ways to minister to your grieving friends this Christmas.

It's normal that Dominic is less and less a part of his friends lives over time. But it still hurts...

I don't have to meet a timetable or get anyone's approval. It's my journey and baby steps count!

In the aftermath of child loss, healthy boundaries are no longer optional, they are necessary for survival.  

Child loss is often sibling loss. In addition to their own heartache, bereaved parents carry the heartache of their surviving children.

When taking care of others means NOT taking care of myself, then in the end, I’m of no use to anyone

Child loss is hard. Child loss is not "curable" or "solvable" and it's not helpful to pretend it is.

Every time I fall and get back up I prove to my heart it's possible.