It cannot be overstated:  holidays are extremely hard after loss.  Every family gathering highlights the hole where my son SHOULD be, but ISN’T. There is no “right way” or “wrong way” to handle the holidays after losing a child. For many, there is only survival-especially the very first year. These days also stir great internal conflict:  I want to enjoy and celebrate my living children and my family still here while missing my son that isn’t. Emotions run high and are, oh

For grieving parents, it takes some thinking, some planning and some preparation to meet both extended family’s expectations and extra responsibilities at Thanksgiving and Christmas while carrying a load of sorrow and pain. One thing I am learning in this journey is that even though I wish someone else would blaze the trail for me, I’m going to have to do it myself.  And because every major milestone is overflowing with emotional booby-traps, I have to plan ahead.

I will confess: I’m no better at this than the first set of holidays after Dominic ran ahead to Heaven. Every. Single. Year. has brought changes and challenges on top of the empty chair round the family table.

I work hard to find something for which to be thankful each day. I try to get outside and breathe in the fresh air and soak up the sunshine. And when I have a rainy day-whether it is literally dripping water from the sky or simply dripping tears from my eyes-I try to do something that will help my heart hold on.

It seems unbearable to think ahead to the possible years of doing this hard thing.  And it is- UNBEARABLE.  If I look at the missing writ large across the rest of my life, I will crumble beneath the weight of it. Yet, I only have to live this moment, this breath, this day.

The longer since his leaving, the more I feel I need to have it together in public. My tears are inexplicable to those who've forgotten,

If you can, join us.  You may be nervous up to the very minute you show up or log on but I PROMISE you will not regret it. 

There is no "right way" or "wrong way" to handle holidays after losing a child. For many, there is only survival.

In the aftermath of child loss, healthy boundaries are no longer optional, they are necessary for survival.  

I and several other seasoned bereaved parents will share a bit about how to navigate this difficult time of year.

Every time I fall and get back up I prove to my heart it's possible.

If you can’t do it all, do something. And celebrate.

Truth is, unless I face my feelings, give my heart time to experience them and work toward processing them, I cannot even begin to heal.

Sleep is important. I can’t do the work grief requires if I go too long without it.

When faced with a wall of overwhelming and cascading feelings, I do the next right thing-whatever that may be until I see a sliver of light.